How to Talk to Someone Who Is Using Drugs or Alcohol

Most families have had the same conversation a hundred times — and it ends in a fight every time. The problem is usually not what is said but when and how. A few changes make a real difference.

Choose the moment

• Never while they are intoxicated. Nothing said then is remembered, and it usually ends in shouting.
• Speak when they are calm and sober — early morning is often best.
• One person, in private. A circle of relatives feels like a court, and people defend themselves in court.
• Moments of regret — after an illness, a loss of money or a public embarrassment — are when people are most open.

Start with “I”, not “you”

“You have ruined this family” makes the person defend themselves. “I am frightened for you, I could not sleep last night” makes them listen. Speak about your own fear and love, not their failure.

• ✅ “I get scared when you come home late like this.”
• ✅ “I miss the person you were. I want you back.”
• ❌ “You are an addict.” ❌ “You have destroyed everything.” ❌ “Look at what people are saying.”

Ask for one small step, not a lifetime promise

“Quit forever” is too large to say yes to. “Come and meet a doctor once — the decision after that is yours” is small enough to accept. Very often, that single visit is where treatment begins.

Listen more than you speak

Ask what makes them use — sleeplessness, pain, worry, company, work pressure. You will often hear a real reason that treatment can address. Do not argue with what you hear; let them finish.

Stop the help that keeps it going

Paying their debts, covering their lies, giving money that funds use, and doing their work for them all keep the problem comfortable. Letting the natural consequences reach them — while making the offer of help unmistakably clear — is what usually moves people.

If they say no

Most people say no the first time. “No” is today’s answer, not the final one. Stay calm, keep the door open, repeat the offer without nagging, and — this matters most — get counselling yourself. Family counselling can start without the patient, and when the family changes its approach the person often follows. Read: when the person refuses treatment.

Sources: WHO, NDDTC-AIIMS · Medically reviewed by: Dr. Brij Kishor Saini, MBBS, MD (Psychiatry) · Translated from the doctor-reviewed Hindi original · Last updated: August 2026